Monday, April 21, 2014

Pandas: Why don't they just eat steak?

Pandas are OBSESSED with BAMBOO (wtf)

I've seen pandas eat bamboo like all day. I was at the zoo recently and this fucking panda, a real, real big panda, spent like 15 hours eating bamboo right in front of me. By the end of that 15 hours I was so hungry, so so hungry, but even then I did not want to eat bamboo.

The Glories of Meat

Meat is tha shit. Well, it's what makes some shit. And that shit is probably the best shit. I mean, have you ever heard of bacon? DUHHHHH.

Other Bears (they eat meat!!)

Do pandas hold themselves above other bears? Is meat NOT GOOD ENOUGH for them?? Wtf. Smh. I was always taught what's good for the goose is good for the gander. And I'm nearly sure there's a type of bear called a gander. [edit: Some asshat told me there's no such bear, and I'm all like, "do you know all bears???" and they're like "yes, I am a bear, and I know all of us" and so I guess ok.]

Other facts about bears: they are huge
  • they eat humans (except for koalas and pandas??)
  • they are not dogs
  • they might be cats tho
  • even koalas--sometimes called "DROP BEARS"--are tougher than pandas
In a second study sample, a number of Australian-born research assistants were monitored and their data compared to that of assistants of international descent. Statistically, the results suggest that people born in Australia are significantly less likely to be attacked by drop bears. (source: balihaeotgih oi)

Steak is the best meat, and people love the shit out of pandas. It stands to reason that pandas could get hella steaks. 

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