Tuesday, June 17, 2014

How to Beat Up Italy: Basta, punks!

Te sei pazzo!

Why should we beat up Italy?

Italy has been around for thousands of years and ain't done shit in forever.

The Romans were OK (just ok), but since then, what have Italians done? They've dissolved their parliament over 70 times since World War II alone! Come on!!

Pasta hoarding.

Sure, Thailand has noodles. Japan has noodles. Plenty of places have long thin noodles. But where besides Italy has pasta of all kinds of little funny shapes? Is it because other cultures do not appreciate funny-shaped pasta? 
I don't think so. 
It's because of the mafia.

Olive Oil Fraud

It’s an ongoing battle that each of us participates in, every time we stand in front of the olive oil section at our local grocery store. So that’s where I went to review the options; it wasn’t a scientific study, but it replicates the reality of what we see every time we shop. (from a great Forbes article that breaks this all down)
Limoncello tastes like ass, ruining my excellent childhood memory of drinking a small glass of it.

What if I'm scared to beat up Italy?

GET MAD!!!


GROW A PAIR, BRAH. (correction: I know you got a pair)
Watch an Olive Garden commercial.

The Top 5 BEST techniques for UTTERLY DESTROYING Italy.

Flip-kicks.


Atomic bombs.


Flaming nunchaku


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