Wednesday, October 16, 2013

How to Kill a Hangover Using Things Already in Your House

So last night you thought it would be a great idea to do 18 shots in honor of your 18th birthday, which was more than 12 years ago. Then you chugged a pitcher of green beer, even though St. Patrick's Day was four months ago. Then you smoked two packs of cigarettes. Then you did another shot. Then another. Now you're fucked.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Terrorism: Shit's Wack!


Why do terrorists totally blow big chunks?

Old-timey terrorists have been fucking shit up for centuries. Anarchists, religious terrorists, and just plain ol' assholes never seem content to just let people be.

Don't blow up this lovely train!
Modern terrorism is much like the old terrorism, except that modern terrorists also use Twitter. #Al-Booo-ring.

The only interesting terrorists are imagination terrorists, and we're not sure they're even real.

What should you do if you suspect your kid or uncle is into terrorism?

Tell them the truth. Sit them down and say, "Dude, that's so Wack!"

If they be all like, "nuh uh" then be all like, "Fo sho. Only the truly wiggidy-wack are into blowing shit up, dog!"

If for some reason your child or uncle is the stupidest, then play along. "Okay, you can be a terrorist. But that means you're gonna need a bad haircut!" and then give them a bad haircut.

Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon syncs up with The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz is an Illuminati propaganda film which I will cover shortly as well as its Somewhere Over the Rainbow song.